Thursday, January 01, 2009

Last Christmas I gave you my predictions....

I've been looking back over the blog and happened upon our predicitions for 2008

Here they are in full (with comment)

January; The BIG GREEN bookshop opens to fanfares and there is celebrating in the streets of North London well into the night. Our first customer brings a book back that they got at Christmas, claiming 'it was definitely bought here'.
well, we didn't quite make it until March, but a trumpet fanfare was composed and performed on the opening day.
February; Crockatt & Powell II opens in the cosmopolitan Fulham Road. It is called Powell & Crockatt after a furious argument between Matthew and Adam, and the first customer buys '4 yards of books to fill my new shelves'.
clearly untrue. It was 4 metres of books. This is Europe don't you know
March; Scott Pack reveals that the rumours are true, he is Steve Stack, author of 'It Is Just You, Everything's not Shit'. He also admits to being John TwelveHawks and The Batman.
Betman perhaps, but not Batman.
April; Profits soar at Waterstone's after a sticker misprint means that their latest promotion is a 2 for 3. WH Smith quickly counters this with a '50% on' promotion for their top 40 hardbacks.
Maybe not then....
May; JK Rowling donates for charity a fart in a jam jar. Amazon buy it for $3.6million, and runs a competition in which the winner gets to open the jar.
It was a bogey in a matchbox actually
June; Claiming 'every little helps', Tesco starts selling just the last chapters of books, and circling the bits that we should read.
Can someone tell me if this is true or not, as I would never sully myself by going into one of these places.
July; publishing assistants at a large publishing House get a 15% pay rise, but turn it down saying ,'we get paid enough already'.
Penguin should be very proud of their senior staff, who agreed to freeze their pay, rather than have the company face redundancies
August; Christmas promotions start in earnest at Borders, WH Smiths, and Waterstone's.
Ernest wasn't best pleased I can tell you. Ho Ho HO
September; An updated Kindle is released which vibrates and has flick pictures in the corner of the book, because nobody who buys one is really interested in reading are they?
This is the Sony Reader folks.
October; Katie Price wins the Man Booker prize for Shiny, her latest novel. Michael Portillo calls it 'a tour-de-force'.
terrifyingly accurate I should think after becoming one of Gordon Brown's Reading Heroes
November; Top selling xmas titles start to come through the pack, including 'do spiders belch?', 'the slighlty Adventurous book for Grannies', 'Jamie on rollerskates' and 'Hammond, May and Clarkson ridicule stuff surrounded by goons lapping up every little thing they do'.
December; The BIG GREEN bookshop sells it's 1000th copy of Life in the UK. Our last customer of the year brings a book back that they got at Christmas, claiming 'it was definitely bought here'....
we only sold about 4 copies of LITUK all year. Maybe British Citizenship isn't quite so appealling as it has been, who knows...

Well, not a bad effort, and very soon we'll be putting up this years predictions.

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